6 Essential Tips to help you Prosper from Rejection
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The other day I was joking with a friend that, “I have a PhD in rejection at this point in my life.” She said, “Really? I think I have a PhD in avoiding rejection.”
As I’ve asked over the years, many people told me that rejection slows them down. Sometimes we don’t do things to because we don’t want to get rejected. However, when you feel confident that you can make it through heartbreak, you’ll automatically do more with your life.
We all have areas in our lives where the fear of heartbreak is greater than the desire to grow and ultimately be happy. We plague ourselves with even the idea of rejection with false meaning and stories. We worry that our dreams will never happen because, fundamentally, we’re just mediocre. We future trip about critics impaling us, or worse, being be ignored and lonely.
There, there.
The good news is, it’s impossible to stay mediocre when you continue developing your craft. Take it a step at a time, I level at a time. With writing, nothing can stop you but yourself. You can always write one more draft, explore one more publisher, send one more email, or grow and audience and prove the demand for what you’re doing.
Therefore, here are 6 tips for cultivating resilience and getting back on the productivity train with your writing!
1. The Opposite of Rejection is Connection
At a spiritual level, the reason rejection hurts so much is that it makes us feel separate, left out in the cold. All those people can have the thing, but I can’t. The first thing you do to ease the pain is connect. Connect with yourself, doing whatever you need to do to feel worthy and loved.
Once you have your bearings, connect with friends, family or a supportive community. Then, if the opportunity arises, connect with the people who make you feel rejected. Who can ask for feedback so you can improve or develop a new strategy? If you’re submitting to an agent or publisher, see what happens if you write a kind and appreciative follow up. Don’t forget the volume of submissions these professionals see in a day, it really is a labor of love, so the nicer you are, the more likely you are to get a response.
This is where coaching programs and classes become invaluable. It’s always worthwhile to learn from a caring person with plenty of experience.
2. Make Sure Your Vision is Greater Than the Set Backs.
What do you want from this book? Why are you publishing it? If the reasons behind the book are more important than the obstacles, you will overcome. Guaranteed. That was the case for me. I loved literary short stories, so it was easy to keep the dream alive. However, if you don't have a clear "why" behind this book, you may be more tempted to give it up.
3. Consciously Counteract Negativity Bias
Pain attracts attention. Our brains are wired to concentrate on pain, and avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately hyper-analyzing it doesn't allow you to be resilient. You have to use inner strength to draw your attention away from the pain and focus on new possibilities.
4. Treat Yourself with Compassion
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Do we fear we won't learn the lesson if we don't beat ourselves up? Of course the opposite is true. The more we wrap our problems in love, the faster we heal and seek out new opportunities.
5. Drink water, take a walk, move your body
Here's the mind-body connection. When you take on a big goal, you're moving through it physically and emotionally. The more you wash out the physical stress, and keep yourself in motion, the faster you'll be able to get over the tough stuff.
7. Always know your next right action
It's easier NOT to dwell on the setbacks when you have something new to focus on. Keep yourself moving forward by planning your next steps.
Once you’ve learned from the pain of rejection, you’re never in a smarter situation to assess the road ahead.
That’s how I move through rejection, and just recognizing that pattern gives me a sense of security in the midst of a storm. Avoiding rejection akin to experiencing grief before you’ve ever loved. It shuts you off from your life.