Insights on Leaving my Job to Write Full-Time

It takes so much more energy to be anybody other than yourself. When you’re doing the things you’re meant to do, writing the stuff you need to write, your life flows.

Perhaps this quote, (often attributed to Albert Einstein) said it best, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” I’m now convinced that repeatedly dunking yourself in creative flow activates an intuitive homing device that draws you toward your highest purpose.

You don’t know where writing may lead you, but just by committing to the process week by week, day by day, your life begins to head off in a better direction.

This is certainly a lesson I had to learn the hard way. There was a time when I thought I’d always be a school teacher. I loved learning, reading, writing and helping, so it sounded like the ideal job description. However, as much as it seemed like this should be my calling, it wasn’t.

Whereas I loved teaching, classroom discipline clearly eluded me. As other teachers would step out of their high-school classes surging with a sense of fulfillment from contributing to a better future, I would step out with everything but cat scratches and a black eye.  Correcting grammar would take me hours longer than my colleagues. I’m the kind of writer who can’t seem to spell certain words the same way twice. Too creative, let’s say.

The point came where my weaknesses outweighed my strengths, and the low hum of burn out was trying to tell me something. We’re not meant to go to work everyday feeling unfulfilled or inadequate to the task. In fact, it’s bad for your health. The opposite is true of creative flow. I saw that so many teachers were living their calling. I wanted that too.

Several years into my career, it became obvious that I wasn’t going to thrive at this kind of work, and slowly but surely, I started to write my first book in order to build something I believed in. My mantra throughout this time was, “Trust the snowball not the avalanche.” So often we drive ourselves mad looking for a big break, but often that avalanche of luck can be scary and unstable. A steady chain of good choices sustains a lucky break. This is especially true of publishing. You can’t get the book deal if you don’t return to the page, day after day.

The snowball effect is essentially an extended upward spiral. Replacing a negative conversation that turns a downward spiral into an upward spiral makes a huge impact. Therefore, any conversations you’re having inside or outside your noggin need an upgrade. Audit your interactions at home, at work, and on social media. What are you googling? What programs are you watching? Take a look at everything and choose one or two conversations that you’d like to trade in for something better.

Take work gossip. We get that quick hit of drama which is exciting. My brain craves stimulation, and if I don’t choose what to be curious about, the details about other people’s lives can take up unnecessary space in my head and snowball. Gossip is addictive and leaves us unhappy and stuck. We then depend on it for passing pleasure, like junk food or clickbait.

This was one of the biggest keys to transitioning into a working writer, full time. Whenever gossip started buzzing, I stuck in my earbuds and listened to other creatives. I replaced it with courses, podcasts and audiobooks that helped me become a better writer. Then when I had even ten minutes of downtime, I was poised to doodle on my manuscript because that’s what all the influences in my ears were doing.

I started to feel the immense difference when I began to liberate my own voice and develop work I loved. Before that I’d published short stories in literary magazines but never attempted a full book, other than a bad novel hidden in a drawer. But suddenly ambitious manuscripts seemed normal according to what they were saying. Going after big dreams became the tune I couldn’t get out of my head.

I’ll never forget, as I walked up the stairs to find my boss I tripped over my own feet and fell to my elbows just as she was coming around the corner. It’s funny but I was grateful for that start to the conversation because it illustrated with painful sincerity, that this wasn’t an easy decision. However, in the months and years that followed, I found that what looks like the edge of the world, was not the edge of the world. As I moved forward, so did the horizon.

Your life as a writer begins when you enjoy writing, when you cultivate your creative flow. That’s the essential through-line that you must establish throughout your career. It can seem like everything’s going to change when you go after your dream. It may seem like a leap, but actually you’re becoming more yourself.